Thoughts on Infertility (And the fear of)
We are in a Newly Marrieds class at church with 35 couples. We do meals for those who have children. (It isn't technically JUST for newly marrieds. But, rather, for anyone who wants to work on their marriage. Some of the couples have been together for 6 or 7 years. I don't -think- we have any "old married folk" there, yet, but I know they would be welcome.) It's to help the new parents out, etc -- and we have a LOT of babies too! we had around 6 right before last Christmas, 6 more over the spring, 3 over this past summer, and have at least 4 women pregnant in our class. (that I know of)
At the same time, though, there are 5 or 6 couples that -want- children and for whatever reason, aren't having them. (I admire their courage to keep coming. I'm not sure if I could. Keep coming, keep asking for prayer. I know one couple just finally finalized the adoption of their twins. So that was one prayer answered -- but there are still so many...)
And I ran upon this quote over at Quiet Life that I want to remember:
"It took 3 years to get pregnant the first time. Which compared to "never" is not a long time but when you are going through it you know that it COULD be "never" so it seems like an eternity." Yeah, it may have "only been 6 or 7 years" max for these couples -- but there is always that niggling doubt in the back of your head. I've even got it, and I've barely been married that long -- the "what if I can't have kids" doubt. I can remember thinking same ever I was a child -- that I wasn't going to have the desire of my heart -- to be a mother with a family of my own. I don't know why I "assume" that God doesn't want to give us good things. That's certainly not true. And yet, that is how my mind went.I want this so badly, I obviously won't get it. Then, when I was barely 29, I finally met my now-husband. So there is at least more chance now than there was before -- and yet the doubt lingers.
I need to work on that more. To believe and not just say that I know God wants the best for me. To want God's best for me even if that best turns out to be different than what I think it is -- even if, in the midst of receiving God's best for me, I get scorned by those who I respect and deeply desire the approval of because they look at me and don't see what they want to.
And to always keep my heart open -- to those who are older and yet without husband prospect, despite deeply desiring them. To remember how it feels. And to remember this as well. The fear. Because there is nothing new under the sun. And what I am going through others have gone through before, and will again.
At the same time, though, there are 5 or 6 couples that -want- children and for whatever reason, aren't having them. (I admire their courage to keep coming. I'm not sure if I could. Keep coming, keep asking for prayer. I know one couple just finally finalized the adoption of their twins. So that was one prayer answered -- but there are still so many...)
And I ran upon this quote over at Quiet Life that I want to remember:
"It took 3 years to get pregnant the first time. Which compared to "never" is not a long time but when you are going through it you know that it COULD be "never" so it seems like an eternity." Yeah, it may have "only been 6 or 7 years" max for these couples -- but there is always that niggling doubt in the back of your head. I've even got it, and I've barely been married that long -- the "what if I can't have kids" doubt. I can remember thinking same ever I was a child -- that I wasn't going to have the desire of my heart -- to be a mother with a family of my own. I don't know why I "assume" that God doesn't want to give us good things. That's certainly not true. And yet, that is how my mind went.I want this so badly, I obviously won't get it. Then, when I was barely 29, I finally met my now-husband. So there is at least more chance now than there was before -- and yet the doubt lingers.
I need to work on that more. To believe and not just say that I know God wants the best for me. To want God's best for me even if that best turns out to be different than what I think it is -- even if, in the midst of receiving God's best for me, I get scorned by those who I respect and deeply desire the approval of because they look at me and don't see what they want to.
And to always keep my heart open -- to those who are older and yet without husband prospect, despite deeply desiring them. To remember how it feels. And to remember this as well. The fear. Because there is nothing new under the sun. And what I am going through others have gone through before, and will again.
posted by MommyLydia | 9/27/2005 01:54:00 PM
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